I was reading the new GQ interview with the divine Denzel Washington, and came across this gem:
“ Put your slippers way under your bed so when you get up in the morning, you have to get on your knees to find them. And while you’re down there, start your day with prayer. Ask for wisdom. Ask for understanding. I’m not telling you what religion to be, but work on your spirit. You know, mind, body, and spirit. Imagine — work the brain muscle. Keep the body in tune — it’s your temple. All things in moderation. Continue to search. That’s the best part of life for me — continue to try to be the best man.”
Deep. Simple. Powerful. Loving it.
So Monday, 08/20/12 made a year. A year that Ellis and I have been dating. A year since we first met, first spoke and first felt those stirrings. Who would have thought? At that time I had just relocated back to New Orleans and was really feeling myself and feeling being back in beautiful NOLA. They always say that love will find you when you least expect it, and it so true. Must be all that magnolia and crab boil scents floating all around NOLA. LOL. Whatever it was, I felt it. And I welcomed it. Well not all the way at first….but something intrigued me and before I knew it, I was blasting Jill Scott music and enjoying her telling my story as only she could.
We have grown so much closer over this year. Thankfully, the good times and good feelings FAR outweigh any negatives. I love him. He loves me. Damn it feels good. And I have gotten accustomed to exhaling again. No more waiting. I can breathe again and I breathe much more deeply now. He touches me in places and spaces that make me melt in pleasure. Touches me physically, emotionally and mentally and I find myself hungry for more. ( I always was a little greedy…) Even when I’m irritated with him I want him. And even when I irritate him he still wants me. And loves me. And omg I am happy again. His quiet swagger and chill personality thrill me and puzzle me all at the same time. I love it! So different from anyone I’ve known and it feels so good. He keeps me a little off balance as I try to figure out some of those little quirks of his, but I like the challenge of him. This is a real relationship and I am so excited for the future. This has been a tough year for me professionally (yes…still unemployed) and for a person like me who needs purpose and craves independence, it could have been hella worse. I could have been an emotional mess. But the universe took mercy on me and crossed my path with him. So now I am not alone. I have a partner. I am a partner. I will get through this with his help, his encouragement, his love. What a wonderful feeling! Happy anniversary baby….can’t wait for the next one!
Wow. Everyone always talks about ‘keeping it real’ and what ‘real’ hip hop is about. This video moved me. Here’s a black man, a hip hop artist, a brother sharing and reflecting on his life. What amazes me is that when Lupe gets overwhelmed emotionally as he views this video from his past, the interviewer and the other guest (both black men) seem at a loss when confronted with Lupe’s raw emotion. It just makes me so sad to see this but so proud to see a black man go deep. Deep and real. When he finally manages to collect himself somewhat, he explains how some of the people in the video are now ghosts. Ether. Spirits. Ghosts of lives lost—unnecessarily, unremarkably, via prison or death. And when he further expounds on his efforts to get out of that life and how some of those kids will ultimately never make it out, it’s so powerful it gives me goosebumps.
This should be required viewing for young black males and females. It should also be required viewing for many of our so called hip hop stars like Rick Ross, Lil Wayne and that whole gangsta/baller clique. THIS IS A MAN. THIS IS REAL. THIS IS TRUTH. THIS IS HIP HOP.
Much respect, much love and big props to Lupe on this. Speaking to ghosts..living and dead.
I love words. I love it when I find the right words. I love when I naturally and spontaneously find just the right words to communicate my thoughts, feelings or intentions. It gives me a rush. When the words and the metaphors sync up, I feel like a winner. But what I sometimes forget is that to win means you must have another person in the game. All the eloquence in the world means nothing if the person you’re communicating with doesn’t respond or responds very little. What’s a wordsmith to do? Let me clarify that the problem is not communicating about ordinary or mundane things. The problem is when the subject has to do with feelings or emotions or those ‘deep’ kind of topics like life, dreams and self-exploration. It’s in this kind of scenario that I lose my footing. I don’t know what to do so I go back into my internal thesaurus and dictionary and try again. And again, nothing. OMG! I’m stumped. Now I am no longer communicating. I’m just testifying. Or speaking out loud. This throws me for a loop. Lately this is where I find myself. At a loss for words. Which is like a death-blow to a talker like me. How do i get him to respond with equal enthusiasm or at a minimum, how do I get him to just respond? Now if I’m completely honest then I already knew what I was dealing with so I should have not had these lofty expectations. But I am not a quitter. I prod. I poke. I try again. And again. And when the response is not what I want or expect I feel deflated. So you’d think I would quit setting myself up for this disappointment. But noooooooo. I jump right back in. Damn. I try humor. I try sarcasm. I try ‘playful banter’. What’s a communicator to do? I like exploring my mind and my thoughts, feelings and desires of the heart. I like those topics that don’t have easy answers and that make you just a little bit uncomfortable. Here lies the rub. He doesn’t feel the need to go there. He doesn’t have the desire to go there. He’s comfortable in his skin and doesn’t need to know why or how that is. “It is what it is” works for him. I know this. But I still try to get him to go there with me. And I ultimately end up traveling alone. So what to do? Do I just stifle my exploratory urges and accept things as they stand? Is the journey worth traveling alone? The truth is that you can travel together in spite of your different travel styles. I always overpack for trips. I always have more than I need because I want to be ready for any situation or any change in plans. But I also need to appreciate that there are some folks who pack much lighter. They only bring the necessities. No extras. And surprisingly that works too. If there is a ‘situation’ or change along the way, they just roll with it using those few things they packed. And you know what? They arrive at their destination less tired, less stressed and much more ready to enjoy the event than those of us who overpacked. So I guess if I want to reduce my stress I need to pack lighter too. Something to think about….
I am addicted to how we make love
So unexplainable when we touch
You ain’t never gotta worry about me leaving
What you’re giving me is never too much
There’ s so much more to us, but this is physical
It’s like a carnival and I am ready now to go for a ride
Being with you is like
Patron on ice,
Sipping it slowly
Chocolate gift at night, I’m feeling it,
I’m so into you
I could stay up with you all night
we could get-get it in by candle-light
taking it slow
Chocolate gift at night, I’m feeling it,
I’m so into you
When we kissing I just lose my mind,
You do something to me every time.
And you always say the right thing to me-
That’s why I don’t mind be anything you need me to be.
We ain’t gotta talk; say nothing; I am content;
Being alone with you, I love it, you should stay all night
I aint never had this here before
I’m so open wide
You opened the door
Never believed this could exist
I don’t mind falling, never gonna go back
Because now I know about this
I am so into you
I don’t wanna be with nobody else but you.
-song by Ledisi
~feelings by Me.
What a wonderful funeral for Whitney Houston. The outpouring of love and the testimonies of mourners, along with the beautiful musical tributes touched me deeply. However, I am a bit troubled that Whitney’s family did not go out of their way to embrace Bobby and put aside all of their past hurts and feelings at least until Whitney was buried. With all the remarks and commentary regarding how they did not want to focus on her struggles and shortcomings, and with all the talk of God’s love and grace, they should have acknowledged the imperfect Bobby as Bobbi Kristina’s father and the one-time love of Whitney’s life. In spite of her family, Whitney LOVED him and so does his daughter. He deserves the same grace and prayers as those requested for Whitney. His pain and grief are his personal crosses to bear but remember the same people who express how sad it was for Whitney not to have had people step in and help her are doing the same for Bobby. And in a place of worship at that! Shame on them all. It’s unfortunate that all of the biblical references and all of the tributes did not acknowledge that relationship. Yes,this was not about Bobby or making him feel welcome. It was about his daughter losing a mother, and him losing his ex-wife. I know her mother and family are in pain but there is no excuse for ignoring or blaming him. If they loved Whitney then they knew she loved him and so does their daughter. Practice what you preach, people!
It’s Valentines Day 2012 and I am really happy and looking forward to it! I know it’s corny and all, but it really feels good and I’m excited about the day. I’m so blessed to have such a warmhearted, sweet, handsome and super sexy man in my life. He makes me smile, and he brings me such joy. Best of all, we are friends who respect and value each other equally. He inspires me and brings out a side of me that I thought was long gone. We enjoy each other’s company and our bond is strong. Yeah I know I was in a blue funk a while ago, but guess who got me out of that blue mood? *wink*
He has my heart, I have his and this Valentines Day feels really nice. We don’t need big plans or big showy gifts, I just want to be near him, close to him, feeling the love. I love you E. And like Anita Baker sang, “You bring me joy”….
Happy Valentines Day baby.
It’s all good. I just forgot about me. Forgot I always ‘got’ me regardless if no one else does. Forgot that I love me. Now I remembered. And I am free. I feel good. Like I knew that I would. (thanks James Brown,the Godfather of Soul). lol!!!
Why do I feel like I’m chasing dreams that perhaps are never going to come true? Why do I feel blue?
I’m thinking of that song by Deneice Williams, “Silly”: something like~~~~~~
“silly of me to think that you could ever love me like the way I love youuuuu” ….
Real talk. Real feelings. Real shit right there.
Now I need to get myself together. Gotta get my swag back….and not let this knock me down.
Sometimes I need to feel needed. Sometimes I want him to let me know in no uncertain terms that he needs and wants me. Even though I may know it on an intellectual level, it really feels good to hear the words come from his own lips. I remember when we first met and how my heart would skip a beat if I received a text from him or even better, if I got a call from him. I remember how I got butterflies and super turned on when he told me he wanted (or needed) to see me. That feeling is so powerful, so sweet. I miss that. I love that.
Women find it much easier to express those feelings than men do. But sometimes we worry if we come across as too needy or too clingy or too thirsty or even too bossy. lol. That’s why it’s good when a man flips the script and lets us know that they have the same feelings. We cherish those times when the man we love tells us, ”I miss you. I want you. I need to see you.” It lets us know that the feelings are mutual and that we are as important to them as they are to us. And it makes our heart skip beats. *wink*
I still get those warm, juicy sweet feelings when I think about him. And they get multiplied 100 times when he lets me know he is thinking of me too. It’s so important in relationships to never take one another for granted. Just like a flower or any living thing, a relationship needs to be nurtured and cared for and given adequate attention in order to grow and thrive. Without that care and attention it will not survive. I don’t intend to let that happen. We will feed our relationship with Miracle Grow…watch us blossom and bloom like crazy.